"It's tonight, isn't it?" I ask him. I haven't seen his face yet, but I know he's behind me. Waiting. Lurking.
"It doesn't have to be." His voice chills. I wrap my coat around me close, suddenly acutely aware of the dropping temperature.
The conversation stalls as we both watch the lights flicker from the earth to the sky.
"Have you ever been swimming?" I ask without turning my head.
He pauses to consider before replying.
"Not really."
"Some people swim for fun. It's great." I start to explain. I don't know why, really. Of all people, he is the last one I really need to explain this to. "But some people are swimming just to stay afloat. Some people are swimming in the ocean, surrounded by hungry sharks."
"Mm." He intones, to let me know he's listening. It's very thoughtful.
"And at first it's easy to keep swimming. To keep treading water, keep your head above. To look for land. You swim as hard as you can in one direction, to try and find it. Because you have the energy, and you're doing it for them. To see them again." My mind drifts to them, and I apologize again. "But eventually you get tired. And things are so hard. So very hard. And you start to drift, and your head bobs below the water. But a shark bumps you, and you startle and you swim hard. Harder than ever before. You're going to find that land. You keep up, above the water. You put so much energy into just... staying above water."
He moves up beside me. He's watching the city like I am. Watching the lights wink out and appear in the stars above. Poetry.
"But you know you can't do it forever. You have to find somewhere to rest. And maybe you find a piece of driftwood, to let you relax for a little while." I play with the ring on my finger absent mindedly. "But you know you're still lost. Lost at sea, surrounded by sharks. And then you let your attention wander and all of a sudden your driftwood is gone. And you're alone, in the water, struggling to stay afloat."
He's motionless. Listening entirely.
"So this time you try another direction. You won't give up. You swim and you swim and everything hurts. You still don't find anything. The water is cold and horrible. Your body is a wreck. You can barely move. You can barely keep your head above water. You know that the drowning is terrible beyond compare. That it will be the most painful experience of your life. That everything about it is wrong."
He leans against the railing. I get the impression he's heard this story before. Not that he's tired of hearing it but... He wants to help, I think. It's sad.
"But eventually... you run out of energy. You can't take it any more. You're too exhausted."
I step on the ledge. He doesn't move to stop me.
"And it's not easy. Not at all. But the alternative is so much harder, and so much more painful. You can't hurt yourself any more. So you have to stop swimming."
I hear him open his mouth, as if to say something. He closes it again, wordlessly.
I look at his bony face for the first time. It's not what I expected.
We stare at each other for a while, and the city continues to wink out as the sky fills.
"I'm glad you came." I say earnestly, as I step off the edge.
His bony hands pluck me gently from my fall just before it comes to its conclusion. He cradles me softly, and somehow I can see compassion on his skull.
"I am sorry." He says to me, the ancient rumble gone from his cold voice as we ascend. And I know that he is.
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